~On a winter storm Saturday,
February .., 1946, I was born on this Earth in a hospital toilet. My earthly mother told
me this story time after time as I was growing up, that, when I was born, she had been brought to the hospital by
her doctor himself, who drove about thirty miles in a driving snow storm to the hospital because of complications in delivering
me. At the hospital the doctor had instructed that a nurse was to stay at my earthly mother's bedside 24hrs. a day,
but the nurse on duty left mother's bedside for a certain amount of time due to a personal need. My earthly mother knew I was close to enter this world, she did not ring for the nurse but walked to the
bathroom in delirious pain -she described every time she told me that story how much pain I caused her. Here, due
to a very lenghtly story I omit all its details- walking all by herself to the bathroom where I was born, in the toilet. She also told me that my arms were what had stopped my body from going in the hole
to the sewer, that, my arms were extended outward, like a cross manner, and, that she saw my head all illuminated. She stopped her story by saying that, I was taken out of the hospital that same day I was born, and brought
home to be taken care of by my, then unmarried paternal aunt, and I was baptized the next day, that was a Sunday. My aunt took care of me! My earthly mother has told me
this story a thousand times over.
One day though, when I was in my early 40's we had gone to visit them, she was in one of her rage, and swearing(ly)
yelling at me and then she screamed out; (what she did to me when I was born in the hospital's bathroom). And then added what she was doing to me when I was born and that she had not succeeded, then finally ending her "rage" by yelling and screaming with
more swearing me to hell. We left and we didn't go visit them for a while after that.
Then one Sunday afternoon when I was in my late
50's, my husband and I were enjoying a Sunday drive and I had a sudden urge to go visit my earthly mother. I asked him if he wanted to go
see her, who was then widowed and living in a residence for the elderly. We did go see her.
As I entered her room first she grabbed me and
gave me a big hug, gave a hug to my husband, that totally surprised me for she had never showed such affection to
me before, ever. Then she said, "I have something to tell you that has been in my heart for as long
as you were born and I just have to tell you. Come sit next to me and listen".
I sat next to her on her bed and my husband sat in the rocking chair and moved it next to me.
Then she started by making the sign of the cross -blessing herself- clasped her hands together -it made
a smack sound- and raising them in the air, looking up at the ceiling said: "as true as there is a God who enlightens
me, (said my name), I never took you for my child"!!!
I do not remember what she added after those words, but I remember my husband touched
my thigh and motioned me to get out of there. But my earthly mother had seen him touch me and said
to him, "I'm not done (his name)". That had brought my thoughts back to
where I was, I turned to him and added, "I want to hear all that is in her heart, and the truth". She then continued her story, but, by expressing her sadness that I had been attached to my paternal aunt
more than to her, and, that she was not happy about that! That confused me .
All my young life she had been accusing me of loving my aunt more than her and I never knew why she was thinking that.
Then she added what she had told me over and over again; "when you were born there was another woman having a baby that was in the same room with me and the hospital made a
mistake, they switched you with that woman's baby. You are not my baby, you are not my girl...". She then added
another bomb shell; "well, your aunt took care of you for three years after you were born for I had a sick baby..." That shocked me to the core of my being, again.
"Mother", I exclaimed, "I was a baby!!! The person who
was taking care of me, the face that I saw daily, the face that fed, cleaned and took care of me, daily, for me, then,
I was seeing a mother, my mother!!!? That must be why I was attached to aunt ... when I was a
child and I never knew why, I even asked myself why aunt ... was so nice to me!"
I just had
to leave then, because, I did not want her to see me crying. We left. I
cried a river of sadness. ~
